@PS_IRuddYou
7yr old: What’s 10+10+10+25+25+5+1+1?
Me: Math
@TheCamelToe_
I swapped my wife’s tampons with party poppers. Absolutely no sense of humour that girl..
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@PS_IRuddYou
@nappydolemite
Her: “What are we?”
Me: “We aren’t.”
@UncleBob56
Website: We use cookies to improve performance.
Me: Same
@bouncerface
Are you serious? It’s hard to tell because of all the botox.
@SortaBad
[Trump speaking at rally]
I love this country. I love America. I love singing the *looks at smudged writing on hand* Strawbangled Panther
@darkmatter_wimp
May the Force be Mass times Acceleration.
@thisislizz
Dear Tech Support,
I twied to puth my tongue in tha USthB port again. Canth you helpf?
@Cheeseboy22
Dolphin scientists say that dolphins are the smartest animal next to humans, but I think they’re only saying that because they’re dolphins.
@iwearaonesie
Accidentally told the dog she’s my favorite in front of my kids again
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