@jellybnbonanza: I talk a lot of shit for a middle aged woman who still calls it a potty.
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@AtticusFinch79: [first date] ME: HIM: *20 minutes later* ME: how about we text each other HIM: *already typing*
@liv_thatsme: (overheard a bride getting her hair done at the salon tell the stylist): “I didn’t want any ugly or fat bridesmaids.” Me (of course, unable to keep my mouth shut): “Good call. It’s not polite to compete with the bride.”
@SacamanoB: Whenever I wake up in a bad mood I always wear a shirt I don't like just in case I turn into The Hulk.
@bourgeoisalien: Some people are shocked when they find out I have a degree from Harvard. It’s not my degree, found it at a yard sale. But still, I have it.