@markleggett

I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America’s shield. That’s probably his weak point.

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@rickolantern

The worst is when you’re on a cruise ship that turns into an Autobot to fight a sea monster and you had a decent game of shuffleboard going

@TedInModeration

Rips off my shirt to reveal an S on my chest that’s actually remnants of last nights spaghettiO’s

@robfee

Sorry Im late, I saw that Spongebob episode where he’s a lifeguard but cant swim, even though they live underwater & now my brain is leaking

@TNeenan

ARTICLE: How, at the age of just 22 did this man…

ME: Is it rich parents?

ARTICLE: … Yeah.

@Cravin4

There is nothing sexier than when she locks eyes with me as she finishes…

..Frying the bacon

@jazzemu_

[inside washing machine]

duvet cover: climb in my brothers

every single piece of clothing: we shall build a new life in the big sock

@thomas_violence

people in fantasy novels absolutely love removing from their knapsack some bread and hard cheese

@Chhapiness

Award for the best actress goes to my 7YO for her performance as a starving deprived child right before bedtime