@ShortSleeveSuit
An apple a day keeps the doctor away unless you try to swallow one whole
@markleggett
I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America’s shield. That’s probably his weak point.
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@ShortSleeveSuit
@rickolantern
The worst is when you’re on a cruise ship that turns into an Autobot to fight a sea monster and you had a decent game of shuffleboard going
@TedInModeration
Rips off my shirt to reveal an S on my chest that’s actually remnants of last nights spaghettiO’s
@robfee
Sorry Im late, I saw that Spongebob episode where he’s a lifeguard but cant swim, even though they live underwater & now my brain is leaking
@TNeenan
ARTICLE: How, at the age of just 22 did this man…
ME: Is it rich parents?
ARTICLE: … Yeah.
@Cravin4
There is nothing sexier than when she locks eyes with me as she finishes…
..Frying the bacon
@KissabiX
romance is dead
– necrophiliacs
@jazzemu_
[inside washing machine]
duvet cover: climb in my brothers
every single piece of clothing: we shall build a new life in the big sock
@thomas_violence
people in fantasy novels absolutely love removing from their knapsack some bread and hard cheese
@Chhapiness
Award for the best actress goes to my 7YO for her performance as a starving deprived child right before bedtime