@ManJuggs: I think I finally found your G-Spot. It's been in my wallet the whole time.
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@BuckyIsotope: Vladimir Putin seems like the kind of guy who would fake a sneeze and flip the board over when he's losing at Risk.
@KentWGraham: Wife snake: Did you eat the last rat? Husband snake (shape of rat in stomach): What rat?
@Jerrypleasure: [First Day as a doctor] Nurse: We need to draw some blood Me: *Sweating* I forgot my crayons and drawing sheets Patient: *fainted*
@katiefzack: I dress like a murderer when I walk through the sketchy park outside my dorm so murderers will be like "Oh she's cool she's one of us."