@sixfootcandy
@thomastf04
British people playing guitar be like this ones called bloke on the water
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@thomastf04
@ClichedOut
HER: We broke up at his house at 10:37 pm on Tues the 17th.
HIM: She’s mad at me.
@CulturedRuffian
Not all heroes wear capes.
@Ygrene
[Being murdered]
(with every stab, i move my body so that the murderer strikes acupuncture points which, to his dismay, makes me feel great)
@Brentweets
You scream, we all scream, I apologize for entering the womens bathroom.
@SortaBad
*looks at selfie*
“Hmmm I need more flattering lighting”
*tries again inside an unlit abandoned coal mine*
“ahhh much better”
@KentWGraham
When someone says they worked like a dog, I’m envious because every dog I’ve ever known has done nothing all day long.
@bijoehardy
murdering your brother and then responding “i don’t know. am i my brother’s keeper?” when god, creator of the universe, asks where your brother is because He lost track of one of the four people on earth is just. wow, they don’t make characters like that anymore.
@L8yK8y
Throwing it back to 3 weeks ago today, when I came home for lunch…and I’m still here.