@bingowings14

I think long & hard before using innuendo.

You Might Also Like

@HanaMichels

Yes, Neil, everything sounds better when you have a great voice. That’s how sound works.

@Fred_Delicious

Bruce Willis angrily returns a cheese grater to the store, “IT DID NOT MAKE THE CHEESE GREATER! IT JUST MADE LOTS OF LITTLE CHEESE” he fumes

@paigeofmylife2

My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven’t even seen me in bed yet.

@AbbieEvansXO

Me: if a ghostbuster dies and becomes a ghost, do they have to bust themselves

Interviewer: that’s an excellent question about the job

@Rollinintheseat

Me: “What’s your favorite shoe brand?”

Person: “Converse.”

Me: “We’re already talking.”

@WhaJoTalkinBout

him: will you at least act normal when my folks get here

me: *flipping a pancake and reading it like a tarot card* bad news

@donni

Got this super hard game on my phone called Bank Of America. You only get a power up every 2 weeks? Need cheat codes

@Brentweets

On my tax form I checked the single box but added “and looking”.

@dumbbeezie

That confusing moment when the person you hate at work brings donuts