[Pharrell eating at Arby’s]
“I want a new look”
Like a new hair cut?
*notices the hat in the Arby’s logo*
“I’ve got it!”
I think marriage is probably like having a business partner. No that’s not true, probably weird if your business partner takes your kids
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I’m beginning to think some of you are not your Avi’s, which makes me sad. I thought I had a unicorn and dinosaur friend.
1 a recurrent severe headache
2 what a farmer shouts in disbelief after a terrible storm destroys his wheat field
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid’s birthday party where everyone coughs.
[first day of quidditch practice]
Remember kids, witches get snitches.
i’m wearing a jetpack to my job interview tomorrow so if they turn me down i can disappoint everyone there by just walking out calmly
Him: I’m leaving you
Me: *eating a cantaloupe like an apple* why though
Beautiful women following me on Twitter is screwing up my perception of who will talk to me in RL. A trip to Walmart should fix that.
One time I saw a biker’s funeral procession and realized even dead people are cooler than me.
Just ONCE, I’d like took deep into your beautiful eyes, and make hot sweet love with you without some pop-up window ruining the mood.