Kangaroo 911: What’s your emergency?
Kangaroo: I CAN’T FIND MY CHILDREN
Kangaroo 911: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: Oh nevermind
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I’m living in their attic.
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The last time Twitter was down I realized it didn’t take 6 hours to poop.
Evidence that I have the right to be silent and get drunk at 8:17am:
Kids are painting the dog in the living room.
Am not being sponsored to say this but if any of you guys are looking to protect your feet while walking on rough terrain, check out “shoes”
I’m sorry but I CANNOT believe that the verified Nickelodeon TikTok posted this
CDC: i know u been shut in all week-
ME: im good
CDC: if you have to
ME: i wont
CDC: ok but if you really need-
ME: *puts headphones back in*
me to my boyfriend: hey hey you you i don’t like your girlfriend
The bright side of getting attacked by a Cyclops is only having to use half the pepper spray.
Sorry for accidentally karate kicking you. Sorry for high-fiving everyone who saw it
Person: *wearing cargo shorts*
Kangaroo: that guy must have a lot of babies.