@offbeatoliv: I think parents should choose unisex names for their babies like Parsnip or Brisket.
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@SocialustGal13: Let's make a deal. You sing Christmas music in the office and I'll leave 5 minutes early to let the air out of your tires. Deal?
@iwearaonesie: my signature move is yelling "where in the fridge?!" and "i don't see it!" until my mom comes and finds the applesauce for me
@ibid78: [therapist] what seems to be the problem? [her] he only hears what he wants to hear. It's awful [me] oh my god yes, I would love a waffle
@ninjadinosaur1: He thinks the stuffed animals in my room are creepy, but I can't think of a cuter way to hide all those cameras.