@AimeeHelene1: I think that news channel only hired you as a weather forecaster so they could see you get hit by a stop sign in a hurricane.
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@murrman5: [her thinking to herself in the restaurant] he seems nice and normal [me thinking to myself] she let the waiter twist her pepper 8 twists??
@enigmaticmess: Him: Have you ever been so drunk that you... Me: Yes Him: But I didn't finish... Me: The answer is yes
@AbbyHasIssues: No trip to Home Depot is complete without at least two more trips to Home Depot for what you didn't know you needed to buy the first time.
@shutupmikeginn: In order to save space, Ricky Gervais & Seth McFarlane are both one guy now. Frankly, it's been a long time coming