@TweetPotato314: I think we should have a suggestion box at work but there’s no way for me to bring it up.
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@TheRealCDK1: Eat Salad they said....its healthy they said......you know what never gets recalled? Cake....I'm sticking with cake.
@AmishPornStar1: It's almost summer and I'm only three stomach flus and a couple tapeworms away from my beach body!!!
@TheMichaelRock: [at interview] Interviewer: tell me a little about yourself. Me: I'd rather not. I kinda want this job.
@mrjohndarby: [aliens dissecting humans] alien surgeon: seems like they feel terrible after they drink alcohol alien assistant: that's good, so they never do it alien surgeon: you're not gonna beleive this