@NYC_Blonde

I thought all the men at my gym were being exceptionally nice for a Monday morning but turns out my workout pants are just see-through.

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@WilliamAder

Starting to think the frog dissection skills I learned in high school are never going to pay off.

@V32951124

My mom told me never to talk to strangers…

*joins Twitter*

@70Ceeks

DORA: “What was YOUR favorite part?!”
ME:
DORA:
ME:
DORA: “I like that part too.”

@WilliamAder

Went to the car wash and asked for one of those Brazilian wax jobs everyone’s been talking about.

@KalvinMacleod

DOG 911: what’s the emergency?
DOG: a boy threw a ball but I can’t find it
DOG 911: did u check his hand?
DOG: of course I checked hi—DAMMIT

@MichaelTrying

Son of Sam I Am, a serial killer who targets people who won’t try new foods.

@sip_at_home_mom

Finally relating to the moms in the group, but after a few awkward minutes, realized their “magic bullet” was a food processor.