@HomeProbably: I thought getting old would include more naps, but I’m starting to suspect that old people only close their eyes to ignore everyone.
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@donni: When I die, I'm donating my body to Simons. I tell this to every Simon I meet. So far, they're not into it
@keeperoftheday: Girl: come over. Guy: I'm coming over. Girl: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over.
@CelebrityChez: Imagine creating a lifetime of mystery for someone by breaking into their home and replacing all their family photos with pictures of eggs.