Welcome to the dark side.
Well, we can’t see what we have. It’s dark.
I thought I had a Twitter Crush but his wife thought otherwise
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KID: are you sure this will work?
ME: *holding a fishing rod with a peppermint attached* do you want a new grandpa or not?
When you gaze into the abyss sometimes the abyss pats you gently on the hand and says she’s just not that into you.
Facebook now tags fake news stories from sites like The Onion with #satire to protect users who lack 1st grade critical thinking skills.
So my dog’s pregnant & she’s never been in contact with another dog & I’m having a lot of accusations thrown my way.
If you’re walking past an old abandoned house & the front door opens for no reason, go into that house.
Don’t know what this myth is about cell usage blowing up a gas pump. I’m filling my tank right now. See? It’s no big de
“We feel that you just aren’t quite mature enough for the position.”
It’s the Velcro shoes, isn’t it.
My ex has made me dinner..
*gives a bit to the dog first*
So, when people say “LOLZ”, does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?