@LittleMissAngr1: I thought my daughter was coming in for a kiss, but she just wanted to glare at me from point blank range.
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@BonaFideIntent: Have you ever met a person, & knew straight away that they were 'the one'? Yah. I had to take a restraining order out too.
@cravin4: When you just stick the tip in and then move it around and around. - Hand held pencil sharpener
@badbanana: Reality show idea: "So You Think You Can Touch Mike Tyson's Nose." Hidden camera. Tyson isn't in on it.
@LuvPug: People on Facebook really lose their shit when you comment on their hospital check ins with 'Glad you're not too sick to post your status'