@BlondAmbitionTO

I thought there would be a lot more happiness and sun in “The Shining.”

You Might Also Like

@bylinetd

Lycra leggings didn’t get me to the gym.

But I choreographed a modern dance trying to peel them off.

@Halbeerz

So Nickelback is playing a flood relief concert for Alberta. Like those folks haven’t suffered enough.

@LuckoftheDraw86

Either I just stepped in dog shit or the stench of my parent’s disappointment has started following me around.

@schumoo

That’s the most unappetizing cheeseburger I’ve ever seen

@Darlainky

I don’t know who’s having a worse day, the bird that’s repeatedly flying into my dining room window or my dog.

@Book_Krazy

Just because your kid says, “You’re my hero” does not mean you can pick them up at school wearing a cape, apparently

@brichie13

“You think only God can judge you?”
*Judge Judy spins around in chair to face you*
“Well THINK AGAIN!”
*bangs gavel so hard it breaks*

@peteholmes

i bet all the girls say “i bet you say that to all the girls” to all the guys.

@BatmanOffDuty

*buying a dog*

Is this a good dog?

“Oh yeah, very good dog.”

Do any tricks?

“No, I’m clean, selling dogs now.”