Me: Are you done cleaning?
Me: So what should you be doing?
She cleans like me.
I threw my cat a surprise party. Long story short, I need 30 stitches and learned I should never scream ‘SURPRISE’ directly in my cat’s face
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Daily ‘Facts About CHEESE’
Fact About Cheese #3:
“String Cheese. Is not made of string.”
My boyfriend finally proposed to me, well he proposed that I stop saying he’s my boyfriend and that I get off his lawn and just leave him alone.
Finally watched an episode of America’s Got Talent and I disagree.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don’t think it’s weird when I have jam in my hair.
After my tweet conversation with you, I delete everything I wrote so you look like a crazy stalker.
DM:You’re so hot, wanna Skype?
Me: it is quite hot, and a skype sounds delicious. Is that vodka?
You’re like a dressing room
You make me want to take my clothes off and try things
*finds flower petals and candles leading to bedroom
*calls cops to report a break in
her: i want to be tied up
me: u have a jury summons in the mail
her: not like that
me: i made u a doctor’s appointment
me: i told ur sister ur gonna help her move