@HomeWithPeanut

I told my 3 year-old that sometimes, sharing with his brother is the nice thing to do.

He replied with, “Are you sure about that?” Followed by a maniacal stare.

There is a reason creepy children are used as a theme in horror movies, people.

You Might Also Like

@DaddingAround

Me: Daddy’s going out today. So I’ll see you tomorrow.

Kids: Okay!
———————————
Mummy: I’m going upstairs to pee.

Kids: NOOOOOO!!! WHYYYYY?!?! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! THE WORLD IS ENDIIIIIING!!!

@Social_Mime

I just spent more time trying to get a stuck Junior Mint out of the box than I did studying for some exams in school.

@ehchino

“What is your reason for divorce?”
She pronounces ‘Kansas’ like the second part of ‘Arkansas’

@Julie_McGann1

I’m off to a 3yr olds party. There’ll be tears, tantrums and throwing up on the carpet. But enough about me, Im sure the kids will have fun.

@NewDadNotes

CIA Agent: First you’re gonna cry, then you’re gonna talk

Me: I’ll never talk

CIA Agent: [puts on the Notebook]

[two hours later]

Me: [crying] he-he just loved her so much you know?

CIA Agent: [also crying] wanna talk about it?

@AdamBroud

Anchor:Actress Zooey Dechanel has murdered an entire town

Co-Anchor:Lol who murders a whole town

A:So quirky

C:Haha America’s sweetheart

@junejuly12

You think your cat is pretty easy going, but then the kids want to find out if cats float in the bathtub.

@SladeBlue

Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of.

Men want to play with the box the kids come out of.

@_elvishpresley_

[sees Facebook friend you haven’t talked to in 12 years just got married] wow thanks for the invite prick did our 5 weeks of driver’s ed together mean nothing to u