I told my BF I dreamt he got me a ring for my birthday. Later, I found a wrapped box from him, with a book entitled “the meaning of dreams”.

You Might Also Like


Because they need to bring young people to the church, insiders say the front runner for Pope is Seth MacFarlane.


Calories are way less frightening if you think of them as points and you’re going for a high score.


I bought a pregnancy test so the cashier who always serves me when I’m by myself in my pjs, buying ice-cream & chips, thinks I have sex.


Blue cheese dressing makes anything a salad. For example, this french fry salad I’m eating right now


A baby that is starting to wake up from a nap is like a solar eclipse. Whatever you do, do not look directly at it.


“Nobody will embarrass the UFC more than Jon Jones”

Conor McGregor-“Hold my beer bro”


God: Oh heck, I dropped my newest spider in the ocean

Octopus: I’m cool with this, actually


me: don’t you dare tell me I’ve had enough

him: sorry, but—

m: *shouting* what kind of barman limits customers to just one?

h: *sighs, pours*

m: finally! I’ll have another one of those delicious cookies too, please

h: now may I go back to giving communion?