Are they bowling to earn soup or bowling on behalf of soup
I told my BF I dreamt he got me a ring for my birthday. Later, I found a wrapped box from him, with a book entitled “the meaning of dreams”.
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Because they need to bring young people to the church, insiders say the front runner for Pope is Seth MacFarlane.
Calories are way less frightening if you think of them as points and you’re going for a high score.
The Rock is going to have a kid, which they’ll name Pebbles.
I bought a pregnancy test so the cashier who always serves me when I’m by myself in my pjs, buying ice-cream & chips, thinks I have sex.
Blue cheese dressing makes anything a salad. For example, this french fry salad I’m eating right now
A baby that is starting to wake up from a nap is like a solar eclipse. Whatever you do, do not look directly at it.
“Nobody will embarrass the UFC more than Jon Jones”
Conor McGregor-“Hold my beer bro”
God: Oh heck, I dropped my newest spider in the ocean
Octopus: I’m cool with this, actually
me: don’t you dare tell me I’ve had enough
him: sorry, but—
m: *shouting* what kind of barman limits customers to just one?
h: *sighs, pours*
m: finally! I’ll have another one of those delicious cookies too, please
h: now may I go back to giving communion?