@seegreenfairys: I told my husband not to get me anything for Valentine's Day, now we wait...
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@FredTaming: [ undercover stake out ] me, adjusting fake mustache: all clear, how bout you donut wrapped in lettuce: *vegetable noises*
@SSparklesDaily: If I know one thing for sure it's that nobody has ever looked back on their life and wished they'd eaten more celery.
@TheHyyyype: FRIEND: it's all about picking your battles [later] WIFE: i can't believe you ju- ME: *holds up hand* i choose gettysburg
@Black__Elvis: They say the camera adds ten pounds so my girlfriend only needs to lose about four or five cameras before bikini season.