@ChickenMclovin: I told my sandwich to "go make me a girlfriend"
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@RobElliottComic: Say "Literally" and "Legit" a few more times in that sentence so I know it's literally legit
@WilliamAder: If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used.
@Glitta_J: If im walking around with my arms crossed, there's a 90% chance im not mad...Im just probably not wearing a bra