@NotTodayEric

I told my sons that we used to have to ask girls out and even break up face to face and the look of horror on their faces was priceless.

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@TheAlexNevil

DJ: WAVE YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR LIKE YOU JUST DON’T CARE

*crowd nervously looks at each other

*meek yet courageous man steps up

M: No.

@The_MartiniGirl

Getting caught under your desk and coming up with nothing in your hand is always so hard to explain.

@causticbob

The Water Board sent me a notice saying that my bill was a year old,

I obviously apologised for forgetting, and sent them a birthday card.

@idkzac_

i can’t believe i just spent my time editing this video

@JermHimselfish

I love raking all the leaves in my yard into a big pile then running really fast and jumping to conclusions when people don’t text me back.

@YourMomsucksTho

How do I tell my husband I only like him as a friend without it getting weird

@ElgatoEsmio

My new dentist called me back in to make another mold of my teeth. Needless to say he made a terrible 1st impression.