Brb taking my potted plant for a walk
“And that is tha sunshine, and this is another plant, you guys can’t be friends he lives outside”
I told my toddler grapes were choking hazards so now when she wants grapes she asks for “choking hazards” instead
You Might Also Like
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you dont know the man & he doesnt know youre eating his popcorn
I’m stuck in a meeting where a guy keeps saying “utilize” and “leverage” and I’m wondering if I should tell him about the word “use”.
99% of the teaspoons in my house are crooked because waiting for my Ben & Jerry’s to melt was far beyond my capability.
The word omelette implies the existence of another, bigger, ome
imagine how angry bear grylls’ wife would be if he didn’t like what she cooked for dinner
SOMEBODY: she had a boyfriend who looked like that girlfriend that you had in february of last year
ME: what the hell are you talking about
The fact that he hasn’t texted back in a week, only tells me he is madly in love with me.
Arnold Schwarzenegger glancing up excitedly and then looking away disappointedly multiple times while watching the intro to “Hey Arnold”