@RickAaron

I took 1000 photos of water vapor & uploaded them to the Cloud. Now we wait.

You Might Also Like

@MomOnFire

Maybe I did use cilantro because I knew you hate it, but good luck proving that.

@_coryrichardson

me: [handing back newborn son] idk man his vibe is off

doctor: what

me: im not vibing with this baby man

doctor: *to my wife* is he being serious

my wife: your vibe is kinda off too man idk

@KDonhoops

No internet for 11 hours. I’ve written two novels, lost 15 pounds, and forgotten how to pronnounce “gif.”

@ElgatoEsmio

“Babe I’m ready for bed”

“Why so early its the weekend?”

[background]
“Next up Channel 6 News reveals Ashley Madison’s local business men”

@That_Matt2

You will feel dumb when we find out the guy who headshotted Harambe was from the future trying to prevent Planet of the Apes..

@Reverend_Scott

NEIGHBOR: That’s the best haunted house I’ve seen. Terrifying Halloween decorations!

ME: [scattering body parts in the yard] Halloween?

@Lilbyrdy

My daughter said she wants to run away. We talked. She knows she can walk. I wont chase her.

@VisionBored1

Can’t sleep? Try calling The Overthinkers Hotline!

For failed past relationships press 1

For why your dad left press 2

For why you’re failing as a parent press 3

For general insecurities about your body and appearance press 4

@thebeckyard

I was completely offended, but then you said “no offense,” so now everything’s cool.