@angibangie: I took my kids to the playground and now they want me to push them on the swings. Jesus Christ, haven't I done enough?
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@Skullcat: Before this goes any further, it's important that I know your position on foreign films with subtitles.
@AndrewNadeau0: [During lull in conversation at party] ME: Do you think you’re closer to your own birth or your own death? Let’s go around the room.
@DanMentos: "What's the deal with palm trees?" What are you doing? "You said do tropical humor" Topical. I said topical. "What's the deal with ointment"
@netflix: DAVID AYER: I wanna make a buddy cop movie THEM: ok DA: Will Smith is one of the cops THEM: k DA: The other cop is a shy, magical orc THEM: no that's crazy EVERYONE AT NETFLIX: Hold my appletini #BRIGHTMovie