@LousyLibrarian: I understand why this patron is so upset. His plan -- to come to the library on the last day of tax season and expect to find someone there who would promptly file his taxes for him -- seemed, admittedly, foolproof.
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@TheAlexNevil: *speed dating Me (on phone): Okay, I'll ask. (to date) My mom wants to know if you can drive me home.
@bobvulfov: FACEBOOK: yo remember ur ex from 2 years ago? look at this photo of u together ME: facebook no FACEBOOK: k heres ur dog who died 5 years ago
@Black__Elvis: I once had a brush with Death and then a floss and a rinse; no woman wants to get intimate with a dark annihilator of souls with bad teeth.