@notfaizzy

I used to think chiropractors were useless till I had back problems… Now, I stand corrected.

You Might Also Like

@nicfit75

My kids are giving all the people on this plane a hard lesson in birth control right now.

@Spaziotwat

Deodorant? No, I’ve never needed to buy any. People just give it to me, complete strangers sometimes

@dubstep4dads

I wonder if Sallys parents were like “Yeah great idea Sally. Sell seashells. On the seashore. Where there are tons of free shells. Idiot.”

@Reverend_Scott

[movie studio in the 2010s]

“This script stars The Rock as-”

Studio: WE’LL MAKE IT

@mlefaye

I bet a lot of guys who don’t think that rape is a big deal were super upset when that U2 album was put on their phone without consent.

@pilau

[velociraptor sneaks up on me as I aim my gun]

me: clever girl

velociraptor: what

me: …clever girl

velociraptor: I’m 26

me: sorry I-

velociraptor: looks like I’m not the only dinosaur here

@iwearaonesie

*wakes up to wife and son screaming*
me: What are you guys yelling about?
them: YOU’RE DRIVING

@Home_Halfway

Bugs Bunny turns 75 today. Now when he says “What’s up, Doc?” he’s legitimately concerned.

@skittle624

My son just said there was too much cheese on his quesadilla. I don’t understand where I went wrong.

@Kids_kubed

When it says “fussy” and “cries excessively” on the medical form, are they asking about me or the baby?