I USED VOLUMIZING SHAMPOO TODAY AND NOW I CAN’T STOP SHOUTING!
You Might Also Like
I texted my wife with “ROTFHAHA” & she replied with “LMAO” so I don’t think she understands that I’m having a heart attack.
“Who am I?” – Descartes.
“Why am I?” – Camus.
“What am I?” – Chopped Liver.
if ur worried ur not gonna get a New Years Eve kiss just remember that Valentines Day is in 45 days n ur probably gonna b alone for that too
I’m white, but…
Nope. Can’t do one of those today.
Look, I’m at a B&B on Cape Cod right now.
I’m a fanny pack away from translucent.
The biggest lie from my childhood was “Anti-Skip Protection” on my Sony Disc Man.
I hope my dog doesn’t turn out weird because she’s being homeschooled.
Someone asked me what the sound of one hand clapping was so I slapped his face.
Babies love to shake things, but hate to be shaken. It’s like, pick a side, babies.
[first date with woman who has a kid]
HER: i’m a single mom
ME: yeah no shit, how many moms did you think i thought you were