@shellyspivey: "I wanna know who is responsible for this!" nn-Me to my parents, while pointing at myself.
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@squirrel74wkgn: It’s like grandpa always used to say, “even though granny washed them, I could always tell which underwear I wore on Taco Tuesday.”
@man_spach: Starting to fear that all the urgent work emails I LOL'd at and deleted earlier were not actually April Fools' jokes.
@HeidiCF8: I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face.