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@justsomegirl81: I wanna leave you trembling and exhausted.
So, can you help me move on Saturday?
@WilliamAder: Pharmacist: How can I help you?
Me: I'd like to see a menu.
@KrangTNelson: “where’s waldo?” is a fun book that teaches children how to properly stalk a nice man who has done nothing do deserve any of this. an indispensable resource for every young creep
@KenTremendous: "Owen, you must hide this baby, at all costs, from Anakin Skywalker."
"Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?"
@Cheeseboy22: My grandma accidentally swallowed a fly. Feeding her a spider now...
@WilliamAder: Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?