I want an app for each website I visit. And I want all of them to have loud videos that play automatically. This is my ideal user experience

You Might Also Like


All those guys who refuse to marry their girlfriends until everybody has the right to marry must be shitting their pants.


People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it’s because of all the placenta I’ve been eating.


some people say April Fool’s Day is annoying.

but to me, a sentient refrigerator who longs to run free, it is my only chance to escape.


Boss: Are you high?

Me: [trying to photocopy a dog] are you a cop?


when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won’t eat a dog


Waiter: And how would you like your steak?

Guy Who Has Only Ever Eaten Goldfish Crackers: … umm… flavor blasted?


Dear girls, Santa saw your Facebook page, you’re getting clothes and a dictionary for Christmas.


Today is going to be a good day. I can feel it.

*finds there’s no coffee*

{Mood swing in 3…2…1…}


turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left