@TheTweetOfGod: "I want my country back" is a fair and accurate thing to say if at one point in your life you owned the country.
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@jkrambles: It's not God I dislike, He's cool. it's certain members of his fanclub that rub me the wrong way.
@girlontapas: Love it when I see the sign: “You must have been born before 1999 to buy tobacco products.” My oldest bra can smoke now.
@ArfMeasures: [Pitching my idea] HEAD WRITER [sighing] This isn't just the plot of Ratatouille again, is it? ME: Excuse me, I do have other ideas [Painfully long pause] ME: So there's this badger that loves cooking