@TheRealRHB
So when a cop asks you why you have a handcuff key on your key ring, saying it was his wife’s idea will get you a free ride in his cop car
@UnfilteredMama
I want my kids to know they can always talk to me about anything going on in their lives.
Except Fortnite.
You Might Also Like
@TheRealRHB
@TheToddWilliams
An entire cheerleader civilization was wiped out in the eruption at Pompompeii.
@CulturedRuffian
INCORRECT PUNCTUATION STARTS FIGHTS:
Happy April Fools!!!
VS.
Happy April, Fools!!!
@causticbob
“I don’t understand swimming. You don’t see fish going for a walk.”
@jellybnbonanza
Between the potato masher and the apple slicer, it’s a wonder my kitchen drawer opens.
Correction: It doesn’t.
@ReelQuinn
I wear a ski mask to bed so if there’s a home invasion the intruder will think I’m part of the team.
@TheAlexP
Sometimes when I get a compliment I stop, moonwalk out of the room and yell “Thank You “just to leave them hanging.
@TheCatWhisprer
I just laid on my cat’s keyboard while he was working on a last minute PowerPoint presentation.
@joefrog1
If anyone is interested I’ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
@themacmind
Me: Rest assured I will go to the grave with your secret.
Pat: Thank you.
Me: Unfortunately so will my golfing buddies.