Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@Blakegarav

The human brain is so fascinating. It operates 24/7 from the day we were born and only stops when ur taking a test or talking to someone attractive.

@alyssalimp

Me yesterday: I’m gonna get so much done during this quarantine

Me today: 2pm time for bed

@DirtyySouthMess

Me: Talk dirty to me

Him: I’m gonna get you in the sheets and we’re going to bed early

M: God yes

H: I won’t set an alarm

M: Don’t stop!

@AndreyasAsylum

I switched to watching horror movies, because literally anything is less scary.

@GrandadJFreeman

Niggas be like I want a girl that rocks Jordan’s, plays video games, and watches sports with me” wtf? You want a boyfriend nigga

@215potter

Guy threw a banana peel out the window into my lane 2day. Yrs of practice paid off and I arrived to work safely. Thank you Mario Kart.

@BatBatshitcrazy

A penny for your thoughts, a dollar if you keep them to yourself.

@Reverend_Scott

“Daddy, where do babies come from?”

From mommies.

“How do they get inside?”

CAN’T U ASK WHY THE SKY IS BLUE HAVEN’T U WONDERED ABOUT THAT

@LoveNLunchmeat

Be grateful for those who keep your secrets.

That way you don’t have to kill them & go to prison.