@13gbenita

I want to be 14 again so I can ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

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@trims_the_fat

None of this is appropriate for anybody. Take the 18+ out of your bio.

@iwearaonesie

me: What? A lot of people launch shopping carts across parking lots
wife: Yeah but they take the kid out first!
son *screaming*

@Jn1fer

*Writes “For a good time call” on random gas station bathroom wall

*adds work phone number

*Gets excited about work today

@murrman5

[cop sniffing me] you’re all over the road get out of the vehicle
[me after putting on too much hand cream] I’ll try

@Nickadoo

“I liked small butts. I was lying.” – Sir Mix-A-Lot’s teary deathbed confession

@simly01

Enter Password.
Wrong
Wrong
Wrong
Wrong
Reset Password
New Password can’t be old password.
sets computer on fire🔥

@DevilryFun

Before marriage: fantasizes spending life together.

After marriage: fantasizes spending life insurance alone.

@ch000ch

YouTube: hey we saw u watched a video about a thing

Me: great, would it be possible to fill my entire feed with that thing, forever?