@offbeatoliv: I want to be able to sleep like the dude who had a horse head placed in his bed and didn’t even know it.
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@fishbowel: Date: omg it’s so dark do you have a flashlight Me: I don’t need one cause I have all the light I need right here- Date: aww Me: oh my feet *i stomp and my light up sketchers start flashing*
@TheDairylandDon: If you think explaining this election to children was tough, try being single. The dog and houseplant just sat there in confused silence.