@offbeatoliv: I want to be able to sleep like the dude who had a horse head placed in his bed and didn’t even know it.
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@amandajpanda: "How'd ya get that bruise on your cheek?" *remembers dropping her phone on her face in bed* Me: Street Fight
@StymieBrewer: "It's a bird! It's a plane!" - my 3 year old niece, excited as hell over some basic shit.
@MatCro: [meeting] BOSS: We need a name that gives us a good ad slogan ME: Perhapselline? MY NEMESIS GARY: Maybelline? B: You're incredible, Gary
@pinupteacher: Looking out the window, some kid on the plane asked why everything was getting smaller. Haha, what a dummy. WE'RE getting bigger. Kids, lol.