I want to follow a random family around Disneyland for a day and just be in the background of all of their photos.

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My husband and kids have started humming Darth Vader’s Imperial March whenever I walk into the room and I’ve never felt more complete


Monday mornings as a stay-at-home parent are kind of like cleaning up after a massive house party that you weren’t even invited to.


9: I noticed there is bacon in the fridge

Me: yes

9: you gonna cook it?

Me: yes

9: I love you

Me: I know


*beats a guitar hero song on expert mode*
*changes Twitter bio to “musician/songwriter”*


brain: wake up

me: it’s 1:15 am

brain: pick up your phone

me: fine just for a minute

brain: lmao ok


i don’t need a “previously on…”
ive been watching this show for 9 hours straight


I’ve been getting fewer and fewer new followers but I’ll be damned if I’m going to tweet something good just because some people have taste.


Look, I wouldn’t even run in a zombie apocalypse let alone chase after you.



*when E is a constant variable that can’t be touched