@AphroditeAfter5

I want to grab some Mexican tonight and then maybe have some dinner with him

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@Sickayduh

Richard and friend arguing

Richard makes good point

Richard’s friend says mark my words

Richard Marx

@Crunk_Jews

Her: what’s your favorite thing about our date tonight?

Me: that it’s almost over

@imdaintyaf

Please don’t put a coin on my mouth when I die; I plan to wander the shores of the River Styx for 100 years & finally get that bikini body.

@djdarrellripley

Him: How does my football throw look to you?

Me: Like you’re good at science…

@greg_vee

I’ve been ignoring these dirty dishes for 47 minutes and they still haven’t taken the hint. It’s just awkward now…

@Kyle_Lippert

Name’s Bond. James Bond. *Drinks martini* Jame’s Bond. Names Bond. *drinks another martini* Bame’s Jond. *Drinks 1 more* THIS IS MY SONG WOO

@nyquills

[Wizard of Oz characters Now]

Scarecrow: professor
Tin Man: fell in love
Lion: public speaker
Toto: still blessing the rains down in africa

@CrockettForReal

If you don’t think kids will find literally anything to fight about you’ve clearly never witnessed an argument over the colors orange and purple

@roxiqt

Raccoons always look like they are in the middle of telling a story about how big something was.