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@alldrolledup: I want to have the kind of hope my dog has when the kids walk around eating chips.
@lloydrang: Texts delivered by Bluetooth right to your wrist? Not on my watch.
@_Tempo11: My dog took his raw food upstairs and ate it in my bed. How's your night going?
@Darlainky: All we do is support you, all you ever do is complain about us!
-if bras could talk
@rockymomax: ME: [wearing donuts as glasses] did u just call me immature
ME: [removes donuts & tries to clean with shirt] your moms immature
@BuckyIsotope: When you gaze into the abyss sometimes the abyss pats you gently on the hand and says she's just not that into you.