Apparently “working from home” means “dear God why can’t I stop eating”.
I want to install a camera system, partly for security, but mostly so when my husband texts me asking what’s for dinner I can send him a 16 minute video montage of the kids screaming followed by a Thai take-out menu screen-shot.
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people act so amazed at shroedingers cat being alive and dead at the same time as if they’ve never met someone who works customer service
“Nice” – first kangaroo to realise it had a pocket
He called me an angel but I’m pretty sure he meant angle because I’m always right.
Say what you want about nature vs nurture but I don’t remember teaching my 4yo to moon people.
I don’t wear a watch because my inner 3yo thinks nothing exists until I get there.
We got rid of the kids, the cat was allergic…
You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive.