@Mr_Kapowski: I want to know the backstory of when an eyelash turns evil and says "That's it. I'm done protecting the eye. I'm going in to destroy it now"
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@Drivelodeon: Lady, you misunderstood. When I asked if you would have my kids I didn't mean sex and babies. I meant take the ones I already have.
@Browtweaten: Infomercial Host: Who wants to fix their chronic acne problem? Audience: *clapping* Host: Sir, are you leaving? Wile E. Coyote: *shuffling out on broken rocket skates* I misread the flyer
@VapingSonic: ME: haha u dare me to take off all my clothes and run thru this park COP: no ME: wow I cant believe ur making me do this lol COP: I'm not
@TheUnderfold: Wife: Sometimes women like bad boys. Me: Well I just replaced real garlic in this recipe with powdered garlic. Wife: *fans herself*