@mo87mo87 Very recently sent an email to my manager Mariana, addressing her as marinara.
Also in a separate email written in French, I meant to sign off with “à très vite” meaning “see you soon”
Instead I wrote “à très bite” which roughly translates to “very dick”
I want to know the backstory of when an eyelash turns evil and says “That’s it. I’m done protecting the eye. I’m going in to destroy it now”
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[painting a picture of the last supper]
“Was he 1 of Jesus disciples?”
“I dunno, I’ve only seen the 1st movie.”
Would you flush a $20 bill down the toilet? Of course not. Yet you’re doing it every time you flush 4 $5 bills down the toilet. I’ll explain
*RSVP’ing to Christmas party*
Whispering into phone: is it ok if I bring my weird roommate?
Husband, from behind me: STOP CALLING ME THAT
My mom is helping me hang a painting and we don’t have a hammer so she used my cast iron pan to whack the nail into the wall and I’m pretty sure my neighbors think someone’s murdering their husband. I’m not correcting them.
Why does my wife think its weird I talk to a bunch of strangers on the Internet, but it’s ok for her to talk to multiple cats.
Maybe we should stop making ski masks since no one wears them except bank robbers.
To apply for a job at Hooters do they hand you a bra and say, “Here, just fill this out.” ?
Day 1: injected self with mouse DNA
Day 2: ate 12 blocks of cheese
Day 3: 15 blocks
Day 4: experiment is failure; no observable changes