@CarrieMayhem: I want to lose some weight but I love food & hate exercise. I'm really stuck between a rock & a fat place here.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@IamEveryDayPpl: The real miracle is that the human race still exists after being stupid enough to kill the guy who could turn water into wine... Idiots.
@QwertyJones3: [FBI job interview] "Do you have any self defense training?" *flashback to hiding behind fence from teenagers* Yes I'm skilled at fencing.
@wickedimproper: People who say having a dog is nothing like having kids have obviously never been to one of my dog’s piano recitals.