“It’s definitely better without a condom” I say, removing it from my soup
I want to run away and live in a forest but like with my phone.
You Might Also Like
Teach a fish to catch a MAN, and you’ve got a blockbuster horror movie idea under your belt.
SOCIALIZING IS EASY FOR ME BECAUSE I AM NEVER TEMPTED TO FEAST ON MY HUMAN FRIENDS
Twitter is awesome. You can have a boyfriend right in your phone.
Available at all times.
Unless his wife’s around.
I had to buy our dog flowers because I accidentally called him our old dog’s name.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
So, no one told my 13yo that spoons can’t go in the microwave.
How’s your day
Doctor: it’s a beautiful baby girl!
Nurse: what’s her name?
Me: well we both love Kit Kats
Nurse: that’s so cute! Kit, or Kat?
Me: meet Wafer
Sorry I dropped your baby and tried to catch it with my foot.
i hate when guys cancel a date after i’ve already shaved and then i have to spend all that time gluing it back on