@TweetPotato314: I want to win a contest where you get a line in a movie. And I want that line to be about the chili dog I’m eating. And I’m going to keep screwing up that line. And they’re going to have to keep bringing me chili dogs.
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@not_delicate: Me: I close my office door every day and nap for an hour without anyone noticing. Interviewer: I'm not sure I'd call that a 'strength.'
@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Do you have any references? ME: I find your lack of faith disturbing. INTERVIEWER: What? ME: *leans in really close* That's a Star Wars reference.
@Contwixt: Girl, are you a conspiracy theory? Because I want to listen to you all day long even though I find it hard to believe a word you say.
@Aaerios: Dropping the shampoo bottle in the shower is the most violent sound ever. "U OK in there? Sounds like a Michael Bay film in that bathroom!"