@2tickytacky: I wanted something old and soft to wax my car, so I used Grandma.
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@mynameisntdave: ME: honey, it's really muggy out today WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving u ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
@KeetPotato: "just get thru the 1st day without them finding out youre an elephant" IT dude: "ok here's your new mouse" [just fkn destroys the place]
@ag_loco: Dear Canadians, Who's the cutest little nation? You are! Yes you are! *pinches cheeks*