Meiosis is still a better love story than Twilight.
I was all set to seize the day but this anti-seizure medication is a lot stronger than I thought.
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If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific
[having heart attack] HELP…CAN’T…MOVE
ME: Dude, are you ok?!
ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!
COP: can anybody else describe the suspect?
JOHN LENNON: he got feet down below his knees
[inventor of the snooze button]
ok, these alarm clocks are pretty good, let’s add something to make them useless
just once i’d like to lay in bed nude and drink a cup of tea without an art class trying to paint my portrait
me: i snuck in some snacks
me: *clutching ramen noodles* do u have any boiling water
8 out of 10 men prefer not to date psychotic women with bad tempers, emotional baggage and daddy issues.
To the other two….
Hi, I’m MJ
I was hooked on auctions after only going once …going twice
I was sitting there getting my hair cut, when a spider ran across the floor.
And that’s how you accidentally get bangs.