I’d like you to meet my family, my wife Sharon, my son Carl, and this balloon that follows me around
I was having a good day until my imaginary friend stole my coloring book & crayons & he demands $100 for their return.
What a stressful day!
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I don’t care how this is done. I’ll watch it because it’s incredible.
Hubby: Whatcha got there?
Me: Granola, fresh fruit and yogurt
Hubs: Ugh *wanders off*
Me: *eats my ice cream in peace*
Ppl who make fun of outfit repeating? I look bomb af so I’m gonna wear this again I’ll even wear it to your funeral if you keep talking shit
Teeth are so weird. Imagine if all of our bones were exposed and we had to brush them.
[end of date]
Him: I’ll text you soon.
Her: Cool. I’ll just sit here in your car until you do.
What’s your answer?!
*whispers into microphone*
Please help me, I don’t even know these people
what do we want?
when do we want it?
WHENEVER YOU HAVE TIME IF THAT’S OK?
When your bio says “No DMs,” I wanna DM you SO BAD and just say:
my daughter has been thrusting her stuffed animals in my face for me to kiss, but I’m being very selective so she learns to have standards