@KKAlThani: I was in a good mood when suddenly twitter went down & I ran over a blind man, tasered a baby, killed a puppy & set myself on fire.
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@AimeeHelene1: I miss that time in my life when people asked easy questions, like "What's your favorite color?" or "Where is your belly button?".
@panmidwest: ME: it's spelled "kevin" but pronounced "kev-a-vin" INTERVIEWER: you're fired ME: you haven't even hired me yet INTERVIEWER: you're fired
@MikeCanRant: There are shockingly few security guards at dog shows. You can run out and pet 4 or 5 dogs before they catch you. Last time I pet 8 of them.