[Bunch of 6 year olds knock on my door]
“TRICK OR TREAT!”
You kids are in for a real treat…
*slips each of them a copy of my demo tape*
I was informed last week that “cheat day” does not mean what I thought it did.
In related news: Baby, sit down. I have to tell you somethin
You Might Also Like
I bet Yoda was pretty hot before he turned into an old Asian lady.
kid dressed as dog: “trick or treat”
wife: “give him some chocolate then”
me: “i don’t want to kill him linda”
Shoutout to all the introverts! Hey! Where’re you going?!! Come here!
Her: I like dangerous sex, like in a moving car!
Me: Have you ever had an accident?
Her: No, I’m on the pill.
This is a fake tweet, someone asked me to put their # in my phone so I’m pretending to add it to my contacts
*brings laser pointer to the “Cats” movie*
friend: here he comes. dont set him off again.
JADEN SMITH: What If We Are the Hay, And The World Is Harvesting Us?
Me: how about a sexy rendezvous?
Him: did you just pronounce it ren-dezz-vuss?
Me: we’re texting
Him: I heard it
ANGEL: What is it?
GOD: A penguin.
ANGEL: So it can fly, right?
GOD: This one’s a swimmin’ bird.
ANGEL: Dude… are you ok?