Me: No glove no love.
Gyno: Please don’t make another pap uncomfortable.
I WAS LIKE
AND HE WAS LIKE
AND I WAS LIKE
AND SHE WAS LIKE
(The speech impediment of the 21st century)
You Might Also Like
*genie comes out*
You get 3 wishes. Just no wishing for more wishes.
“I wish for more genies.”
I SAID NO WI- oooh, you’re good.
You know that kid on the field who’s too busy spinning in circles to notice the ball coming at him? He’s mine, and he’s not even on a team.
damn girl are you calculus because I have no idea what youre talking about
People who dip their pizza in ranch dressing have killed and will kill again.
I remember being about 6 years old and my grandfather did an Easter egg hunt for me and my sister. We looked for hours and found nothing. He later told us it was to teach us a very valuable lesson: Easter is not in November.
I was kicked out of karate class today for describing everything the instructor did as “senseitational”
Even though she’s not Native American, my Wife always sends smoke signals to let me know when dinner is ready.
ME: Yes, I’d like to Czech out a book on eastern Europe.
LIBRARIAN: 3rd floor
ME: Get it?
L: This is dialog, I’m not reading it
Each time a person sneezes on an airplane, that sneeze circulates the entire airplane cabin before being filtered out by vents.